Letter to Rev. R.M. Laporte Payne 1919 undated.

Friday eve
12B F Lines
Bulford Camp
Salisbury Plain

Dear Mr. Payne,

Thank you so much for your letter. You do speak Plainly – make me understand, & take in exactly what you mean! I have prayed to God earnestly, to give me strength to fight the temptations I experience here, & I mean to go straight in future & with the good God’s graces I know I can. Before I only knew that while temptation was out of my reach, then I only then could I go straight – but now I have turned – with your wonderful help – to my Saviour who died for me & my babies to save us from our sins.

Mr. Payne, you say in your letter that “the passionate feeling of a “supposed” love, for a married man must be absolutely put away!” Do you know how hard that is for me to do? & beside it is not a “supposed” love. One cannot make oneself love a person at a minutes notice, & I simply cannot love my husband now – never having loved him in the first place. I married him for a name for my baby girl and now I have learned to my cost that it was a very wrong thing to do. Because I love another man so very much but it’s a real love of a woman for a man & I cannot put it away easily. He has gone right out of my life because he said that if he stayed here seeing me often the inevitable was sure to happen & he loved me too much to disgrace my honour & name, the name which a man gave me to save my babies honour & mine, out of the kindness of his heart. So the man I love, as I shall never love anyone else on this earth, had gone, and I pray to God that I may never see him again although I want him very much,& I’m suffering very much. I can see now that God has punished me through that man because all the evil I had done before. But believe me Mr. Payne I never really loved until I met “him” and when I did love it was to love blindly passionately, & hopelessly. But I will love my Saviour Jesus more. I simply must love Him, for what did He do for me? “From each idol that would keep me saying “Christian love me more”!

Yes dear friend I have considered the solemnity of the promise I made in Gods house in May 1918. And now I am going to (with God’s help) keep to those words “Unto your life’s end”. For now I am trying to walk with Jesus I dare not turn back. “Remember Lot’s wife.”

You ask me if I was entirely free from blame that my husband left me. Yes – I can honestly say I was. I implored Roy to take me out with him when he went in Dec 1918. But he would not listen to me. Although I did not love him I respected him & admired him for the thing he had done for me, & I dreaded being left alone, with all those miles of sea between us. But anyway he would not take me. He went over to Melbourne to be demobbed, & then was either coming back the following summer or was sending for me & the children when I was fit to travel after John’s birth. But he never did either, & things drifted on & I had no money from him, so Dad made enquiries at A.H.Q. for his particulars etc! Well there was a lot of red tape until we heard that he was a married man when he enlisted in August 1914. So Dad wrote & taxed him with it & he admitted in a letter to me that that statement was true only that his first wife died whilst he was in France before he married me! But he did not tell me that he was a widower before we were married. Anyway they – the H.Q. – are still enquiring at Melbourne re: his war gratuity for me, so if he has still got a wife and in Adelaide I shall know through the gratuity. It takes months to find out anything in the Colonial army! We simply cannot understand why he has never, ever since he left sent me any money. He said in one or two of his letters that he did send me £30, & £20 odd but I never received either so we all believe he never did send them.

If in time we find out he is married I don’t know what I shall do. Oh my babies – I love them so very much & if he is not my husband what shall I do. I thank you so very much for helping me to find my God for now I can go to Him & ask Him to show me Light to do the right thing. I only hope that my lover never comes back into my life because oh Mr. Payne, I’m still weak in his direction & I’m afraid of myself. If Roy is not my lawful husband, I cannot marry “him” because he is already married, although not happily so. So I have a lot to pay for all the wickedness I have done, & I’m paying heavily.

Perhaps you have never loved only to loose, but if ever you have you must know what I am suffering. Please don’t think I’m whining for pity. I don’t want pity. It’s my punishment & I must bear it, but oh it’s hard! Hard! But I have made up my mind that if Roy is my lawful husband, I will keep my marriage vows & keep true to him always. But if he is not. “Shall the woman go down?” NO a thousand times no. I went down once & it ruined my life, & I forsook God & now He has called me back to him. So there’s One at least I can turn to in sorrow.

I hope I can get to Church Sunday Eve if Dad goes I cannot leave too as the baby cannot be left alone with Mother, but perhaps Dad will stay in with him. Then Mother & I can go to church.

Have you left my dear old Christ Church for good? I simply cannot imagine any other vicar there but you.

You are God’s good man to me, & oh if only I could be so utterly faithful & good to my Master as you are, how happy I would be. But I can lead a clean good life now through your kind words & the kindest words you have written were! “think what it will be, if they one day rise up & call you blessed & that you not only set before them the love of Christ but liked to make them good & make them happy”. Oh God bless you for those words dear friend. You don’t know what a comfort that letter is to me. I am utterly thankful I wrote to you in the first place & now I will ask God for his goodness & loving kindness to forgive all my past sins & let me walk in His holy ways.

Pray for me – good night – & thank you.

From yours very sincerely

I Harris.

Letter to Rev. R.M. Laporte Payne 1919 undated

Sunday Eve
12 B F Lines
Blandford Camp
Salisbury Plain

Dear Mr. Payne,

It is a week to night since first I wrote to you & I do believe I am happier than I was this time last Sunday. I have read my Bible every night this last week & have found a certain amount of peace to my tired soul from the Gospel of St John. Do you think, Mr Payne, that if I try hard & keep praying to Christ for help that he will let me come back to him? I feel so very far away when I look back over these last few years. I am thankful now that I have told you my story, it is a load off my mind, & if I can pray to God now I’ve told Him too! Although, as you say, of course He already knew what I had done, I have found a little book my aunt gave me years ago & the verse in it for tonight is as follows
“We will not come to thee,
Till thou have nailed us to some bitter cross,
And make us look on Thine; & driven at last
To call on Thee with trembling & with tears
Thou lookest down in love, upbraiding not
And promising the Kingdom
Ye shall find rest for your souls.” Jer 6; 16

I think I’ve had a bitter cross, but oh how I wish I could feel the faith in God that you can. I – who am I to come to God & ask Him to let me come back into his fold? I, who deliberately turned my head from Him & followed the Devil & all his ways – but – “Jesus calls me from the worship of the vane world’s golden store. From each idol that would keep me saying “Christian love me more.”

And Oh Mr. Payne if only I could BELIEVE!! It is soothing to my tired heart to read the beautiful words & promises in the Hymns &the Bible but as yet I can’t quite b e l i e v e I suppose, the “vane world’s golden store” has got a firm grip of me, but oh I do earnestly want to leave it all & come back to my Saviour. Do you think He really knows I want to come back? & oh Mr. Payne will He forgive me & say “Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more?”

Will you please send me the words of the dear old hymn in the Christ Church hymn book (I have only an ancient and modern book) the hymn starts with “Knocking, knocking who is there” I used to know it all through, & I remember that it was my favourite hymn in that book, so I should love to know it again. My “door” is very hard to open but oh, If I keep pulling at the rusted bolts & drag the ivy vine away, will my Saviour enter at last to leave me nevermore? There are my babies, two innocent little lambs of Jesus – but oh when I come to think of it how very near to children of the devil they would have become if I kept on in the devil’s ways teaching them & helping them to do likewise. My friend Minnie Green, said it was God who was speaking to my heart, that made me write to you last Sunday on impulse. It may have been, but if I did not go to church that day I should never have written to you. Pray for me, please, dear friend, I think you will not be too hard on me now you know my secret, & yet I only deserve you to hate me, but please help me to find Jesus again.
As now I can only see Him very very faintly but still it is a ray of hope for better light to come, & you my dear friend whom I learnt to love & respect in my childhood days, you can if anyone can help me back to Him, for I’m oh so very very tired of the world & all its sins, & sorrow & lust & greed & everything wicked I was up to my neck in, but I want to go straight from now, straight up to God & learn to walk in His ways & let my two little lambs have a mother they can look up to & respect. For I hope & pray Joan will never know the awful truth about her birth, poor little soul if only I’d have thought of that before it was too late.

Good night dear friend

I do want your advice & help

Yours very sincerely

Irene Harris

The enclosed verses are what are helping me to come back, & are pulling, tugging at the door of my heart. Please keep them.

Letter to Rev. R.M. Laporte Payne 1919 undated

12B F Lines
Bulford Camp
Salisbury Plain.
Friday eve

My dear Mr Payne,

Very many thanks for your letter. If only I had known you had been ill I should not have troubled you with my affairs – I do hope you will quite recover. I expect it very nearly broke your heart to leave Christ Church & all the people you knew & loved there. It was the most beloved church of my life, & wherever I go I shall never never forget that church. I’m glad I knew no other vicar there but you. You have been the means of saving me from myself through your most kind letters & encouragement. I’m sure again & again I should have yielded to temptation if it had not been for your letters & when I’m tempted I read them & then pray to God to “Lead me not into Temptation, but to deliver me from evil”, but Mr. Payne, I’m by no means good as yet. But Oh I simply will not go back to the old bitter-sweet life of sin. I simply dare not. “Remember Lot’s wife.” I do pray earnestly to Jesus to make me a good woman but as yet I cannot hear him answer me and sometimes – in fact most times – it seems perfectly hopeless to keep on praying because it seems that He did not hear what I said to Him. I suppose it is that I haven’t the absolute faith in him that you & Minnie Green have. But I do try & make myself believe. If only I could hear Him speak to me I could easily say as Thomas did “Lord I believe, help thou mine unbelief”. Minnie is a real help to me. She is the only lady friend I can call friend.

“Thou shalt have none other God me” I keep saying that over & over again for I’m very much tempted to disobey that commandment. He is an earthly god to me with the face of an Apollo & I just worship him but as you said in your letter “it must be absolutely put away.” And that Mr. Payne is my hardest fight.

Oh if only you knew what agony of mind I’m in perhaps you could understand. It seems to me so very very hard to love the unknown, invisible more than the well known & visible, but oh I must fight it, I must! If only God would send me some power with which to do it with? Please keep praying for me dear friend, God will hear you.

Minnie lent me a copy of the “Memorials of Francis Ridlay Havegal”. She was a very good woman, & learnt to love her Saviour better than anyone else, but I do not think she ever really loved man, she did not have “another god before Him”. I am praying most earnestly for faith. It’s absolute faith in Him that I want & must have. I know that now. Whereas beforehand I didn’t know what it was I wanted so in some very vague way God is working in my heart, but I’m seeing as it were through a dense foggy mist everything before is vastly blurred. It is exceedingly hard to tell you what I feel in writing, I should dearly love to have a serious talk with you, but as yet that’s perfectly out of the question.

Mother has been ill again. To day she had a fit, & I only just caught her before she smashed six dinner plates with her face. She fell forward on the table with the pile of plates in her hand. My children are bonnie. Little Joan is with my father’s people my Aunt’s at Bognor. She is staying with them until Roy comes for me, because it’s to much for me to do with both of them & mother to look after. She is perfectly happy with Thora my sister who is also at Bognor. She was quite a baby at Finchley but now she is 9 years old, & every one thinks that Joan is her sister. Besides there is no room in these beastly army huts here & no place for such a dainty little maid as Joan is. But oh how I long for her dear lamb.

John is always with me, he doesn’t notice yet being under 2 & he is a terror a perfect “boy”. Well I must close now, good night dear friend & thank you

Yours very
Sincerely
Irene Harris

Saturday morning

I have just had a letter from Miss Payne. Such a sweet encouraging letter. She asks me whether I should like to confide everything to her, but oh Mr. Payne I’m afraid of what she will think of me. Will you please tell her I simply cannot. It was a hard struggle to confess to you.

Reply to letter re medal ribbons 23 July 1919

From:- Officer i/c Infantry Records,
London.

To:- Messrs Dennes, Lamb & Drysdale,
32, Alexandra Street,
Southend-on-Sea,
Essex.

Ref. No. 678 Sgt T.W. Dowsett late H.A.C.

With reference to yours of 21st inst., I regret to inform you that no authority has been issued to the effect that the 1914 Star Medal Riband may be worn by the Next-of-Kin of a deceased soldier.

Signature unreadable. Capt.
for COLONEL.
i/c Infantry Records,
LONDON.
4 London Wall Buildings, E.C.2.
A.L.

Stamp of
INFANTRY RECORD OFFICE
NO Staw 1966
DATE 23-7-19
LONDON

Letter to Miss Dillon 17 July 1919

On embossed Government Notepaper
Intelligence Corps
G.H.Q.
Constantinople,
Army of the Black Sea
17th July 1919

My dearest Lillie,
I wish I were in London for the Peace Celebrations! What fun you will have! “What would I not give to be with you in the old town to-night!”
Write and tell me all about it. It will be on Anna’s birthday, won’t it? What a memorable birthday it will be for her. I have not found it possible to send the wedding presents yet. If they do not arrive in time she must not mind. I will be able to present them in person in November if not before.
I have been playing tennis the last two evenings, and I find I can play quite well. When my service comes off, people find it very difficult to return. This Camp is only a few minutes walk from the tennis courts. The subscription is 5/- a fortnight.
The youth I travelled out with from London has turned up at a camp quite close, after a period in Russia. He is going to get me a horse and we can go for rides together.
You may have noticed him. He sat beside me in the train at Charing Cross.
I had a letter from Chapman yesterday, dated 5th June, from Cape Town. He was missing London very much.
Saturday is being observed as an official holiday here to celebrate peace.
I am taking advantage of it to go to the aerodrome at San Stefano to try and get a pal I met on the journey out to take me to Bucharest.
It is rather problematical if it can be done, as there is very little flying at present. The train journey takes nearly two days, whereas it is only a couple of hours by air.
I want to see the General at the mission at Bucharest, as I feel sure I could settle it then.
Have you seen the Wilocksons recently? I wonder if you have left Grove Park now? I hope you are satisfied with your new place and that it is near London.
I met a Transilvanian the other day and it was the first chance I had of airing my Roumanian. I get Roumanian papers here. They get through quicker than any other papers in a civilised language, but there is not much news in them. We get some wonderful nights here. To-night there is a wonderful halo round Venus.
Will write again soon.
Best love to you & Anna
from Willie

someone has just started playing “Keep the Home Fires burning” and they are singing it again & again. It brings back memories of the worst part of the war and it gives me the creeps.

With cover Please Forward O.A.S. to Miss de C. Dillon, M.T. RASC., No 1 Reserve Depot, Grove Park, Lee. London S.E. 12.

Postmarked ARMY POST OFFICE Y dated 18 JY 19 and stamped PASSED BY CENSOR 490. Signed W. Dillon Lieut.

Letter to Miss Dillon 2 July 1919

On embossed Government Notepaper
G.S. “I”
G.H.Q.
Constantinople,
2nd July 1919

My dearest Lillie,
I am sending out another S.O.S to Bucharest to-day, and I must tell you about it. The Military Mission in Bucharest asked for me immediately after I came here & G.H.Q. said they would send me if the Military Mission to the Allied Armies who have their head quarters here and off shoots in Roumania did not require me. The latter obviously do not require me or they would have employed me in the meantime.
Now a month has gone by, so I keep on hoping every day for Bucharest. My motto is that of Ruhleben: – Dum Spiro Spero – while I breathe I hope.
The same applies to the I.C.S. [Indian Civil Service] and I am sure they will both come off eventually.
This is a horrible place, and I have not enough work to do.
The people are disgusting. I hate the way they barge into me in the filthy slums of streets & never apologise. Men walk about with grand pianos on their backs and stick the legs in one’s eyes! I never saw anything like the loads they carry on their backs. It is a feature of the place. Another feature is the vast multitude of bugs & flys and every second person has small-pox or leprosy.
I will write a more cheerful letter in a day or two, but must relieve my mind to-night as I know you will sympathise with me in my efforts to get to Roumania.
Best love to you & Anna
from Willie

By the way do not send any papers, as we get Punch here & the daily papers occasionally a couple of weeks late. 5.7.19

With cover O.A.S. to Miss de C. Dillon, M.T. RASC., No 1 Reserve Depot, Grove Park, Lee. London S.E. 12.

Postmarked ARMY POST OFFICE Y dated 7 JY 19 and stamped PASSED BY CENSOR 490. Signed W. Dillon Lieut.

War Diary of AA Laporte Payne June 1919

EXTRACTED FROM.

Brigade Diary, Personal Diary, Operation Orders, Note Books, Memoranda
Correspondence
—————–

Sunday June 1 1919
D/76th R.F.A.
British Army of the Rhine.

I arrived back from leave yesterday at Cologne, and now I am living in the schloss. We move on Tuesday to another place, and then on the 14th go to practice camp on the other side of the Rhine.

I had a pleasant journey, but not so rapid as the forward one. I did not leave by the early morning train after all, as the R.T.O. told me they were running a special train and boat in the afternoon for staff and senior officers, who were returning en masse in case the Boche do not sign the Peace Treaty. I was glad of the extra few hours to do some shopping.

My ankle is much better and wearing a boot has not done it any harm.

Last week I escaped several General’s inspections. Leave has apparently been curtailed in case of trouble in Germany, so I was fortunate.

Everything here is as usual. There is a great change in the country side though. The trees and crops are much more advanced than in England.

I had pleasant company on my way. Another major was with me and a French Cavalry Major travelled up in the train with us. He seemed to be an excellent fellow, and was most interesting man.

June 9th 1919.
BRIGADE SPORTS.
76th Army Brigade R.F.A.

Whit Monday
Programme. 11, a.m. to 7 p.m.

Flat Races, Tug-of-war, Long jump, 440 yds, 120 yds hurdles.
High Jump, Relay race.
Officers’ jump
V.C. Race, Alarm Race, N.C.O.’s jumping, Lloyd Lindsay Race,
Led Horse jumping, Wrestling on horseback, Band Race.

(I acted as judge of mounted events.)

June 12 1919
We have moved and I have been away on business for one or two days. Our time is spent in a round of parades, inspections, training and sports.

Our sports which we have just held were a great success. Our battery was second on points. It was a lovely day. We had a band and large tents in which lunch tea and supper were served.

Yesterday we were inspected by the G.O.C. Division and the C.R.A. The former is an excellent fellow and was most agreeable. He seemed satisfied, and all he wanted me to do was to whitewash the kitchen. I turned the whole population of the village under the Burgomaster to clean up the streets of the place in the early morning, so I am not exactly popular.

Robertson inspects us this week end. The battery was photographed the other day, but the prints are not very good.

Dinner parties are the order of the evening now. The Colonel is in bed with a bad leg caused by a fall at jumping.

The Left half of the Battery beat the Right at cricket this afternoon.

First World War ends with signing of Treaty of Versailles.

Letter to Miss Dillon 23 June 1919

G.S. “I”
G.H.Q.
Constantinople,
Army of Black Sea,
23rd June 1919

My dearest Lillie,
On Saturday I went for a trip up the Bosphorus right as far as the Black Sea and landed at Karak on the Asiatic side of the Bosphorus where there is an old Genoese fortress on a hill. I walked up the hill and had a great view across the Black Sea which by the way is almost a paler sky-blue than the Adriatic.
On Sunday afternoon I went to the Bazaars with my young pal who came to lunch with me, and then we went up the Golden Horn.
If I am still here next Saturday I will go to Prinkipo for the weekend. That is the island where the Bolsheviks were invited to meet and confer. It is a beautiful place I believe.
I have only had one letter from you and one from Anna yet, and I have written so often. Why don’t you write? I wish I were in London to-night when you are celebrating Peace. There is not much in the way of festivity here. I am hoping every day to get a move on. There is nothing in Constantinople except St Sophia and the Bazaars, but the Bosphorus of course is wonderful. I had a letter from Miss Wilson from S. Africa yesterday. Do you remember her at Lexham Gardens?
Best love to you & Anna
from Willie

With cover O.A.S. to Miss de C. Dillon, M.T. RASC., No 1 Reserve Depot, Grove Park, Lee. London S.E. 12.

Postmarked ARMY POST OFFICE Y dated 24 JU 19 and stamped PASSED BY CENSOR 490. Signed W. Dillon Lieut.

Letter to Rev. R.M. Laporte Payne 17 June 1919

Tynycoral Hotel
Talyllyn
Corris R.S.Q.
Merionethshire
June 17. 1919

My dear W. Laporte Payne,

I was indeed very interested to see the letter & photo you kindly sent to me, which were forwarded to me here. The letters are very touching knowing all we know. I am so glad & thankful that the lad is doing so well & seems to have such a nice mind. It is the very best thing that could have happened to him to find a home in Canada & to meet with a suitable girl for his wife. It is somewhat singular that he does not allude to his father, but perhaps he hardly remembers him. What a mercy it is that he is delivered from his mother’s influence!

I cannot feel sufficiently grateful to you, dear friend, who have so kindly & wisely helped us in what might have been an awkward situation for our family & probably for the boy. I am copying his letters, as my brothers may like to see them, & shall return them to you with the photo:-
I hope we may meet again sometime.
I was overcome rather & fled to this little fishing town for a week or two for change & rest.

Hoping you are quite well with kindest regards

Yours very sincerely
T.A.E. Williamson.