A.A. Laporte Payne letter 11 Nov 1916
8 Talbot Road
Saturday night Nov 11th 1916
I cannot close the day without writing to you something however incoherent. Circumstances combined to make my resolution which I had kept for so long: but no excuses are any good. No man has a right to make love to a girl – least of all a girl like you – unless he is in a position to do so.
Please forgive and forget. For myself I am glad – Oh! So glad. It will be something to remember in the long weeks to come. Your people, if they knew, would be furious with me; for I feel sure they trusted me.
Your kisses have altered everything and I hate going back now. Perhaps in the far future fate may be kind to me and things will be different but for the present you must chose between existing as we did before as friends writing ‘copy book’ letters or having nothing more to do with me, for I am sure you will wake in the morning and see things differently. I was mad tonight. A creature like me can’t surely hope for your love. Perhaps you too were mad tonight.
After the happiest evening I am miserable. I want more and I ought not. It is just as well, no doubt, that I can’t, for I know I should get worse.
Can you make head or tail of this? I can’t. I am all in a muddle tonight. Does Mrs. Cross know? I don’t want her to. I want the memory all to myself.
Goodnight my darling
P.S. Don’t write & scold me too much or forget to **** this.